I am a selfish mother.

I am a selfish mother. I sometimes go to the store, and only buy something for me. There are nights when I tell my husband and baby boy to stay out of my room, because I need some "me" time. I lock the door and soak in the tub for hours. There are nights when I put on my stilettos, give my baby a kiss, and then head out to party my ass off. Days when I drop my child off at his Nana's, so I can shop alone and meet my non-mommy friends for lunch. I have gone out of town on weekends alone, and had the time of my life. Of course, these times are few and far in between, but they are special times that all mothers need. I think it is so important to not lose yourself in your parenting. To continue to be you, and to love yourself. Sometimes I force myself to do these things, like go out with friends. It's almost like shoppers remorse, the feeling you get when you leave your baby. Regardless, I do it, because I need it. We all do.




When Trevor was younger, it was harder for me. I was so guilty when I was out. Now though, I look foward to these times when I can escape mother hood for a few hours. Just an hour of walking at a steady pace, with out slowing down because there is a four year old in front of you and distracted by a snail. Or, walking past a toy store without wanting to jump off a cliff because that named four year old is kicking and screaming because he wants a $50 Bumble bee Transformer; all the while, people are stopping to stare and judge how you handle the situation.


So take note in my random rambling ladies, you need it too!

me, being crazy.

I love being a mom. I love my baby boy. He is so charismatic, I wish I could bottle his cuteness, his perfect personality. When I am with him, I just glow with pride. This feeling, it's unlike anything I have ever felt. Unlike anything I have ever witnessed or that I can put in words. I never saw my mother act the way I feel. Not even close. My heart is full, huge with pure joy, and I am just soaking it up, and loving every minute of it.
Although I am probably the happiest, and luckiest girl in the world, I am worried. What happens when you have another baby? Do you have to split your love in two? Does your heart grow twice the size? Will I feel the same way about my new baby? Or will I love one or the other more? I don't know if I can love any other being the way I love him. I am not sure that anyone can compare.

My husband laughs because I am not even pregnant and I am already worried about the "most ridiculous" things. I agree to a point, maybe I should just relax, tons of people have more than one child.

What are your thoughts? Especially if you have more than one child, and even if you don't. Did/do you have the same concerns, or am I a freak? haha. Tell me what happened when you found out you had another little babe in your belly, how did it change your relationship with your other kids?

I am just interested.

Oh, and welcome new followers :)

featured because I love you.

One of my dearest friends noticed that I was having issues with my blog layout. She made me a button, and a new header because I was so stressed out over it. Isn't that sweet? I think so!
My fellow mommy blogger and I have been friends for five years. We were both in the same accelerated high school when we were pregnant, and we hit it off right away. We even had the same baby names picked out for a while. We had our son's two weeks apart from each other, and married two months apart. We are so much alike it's scary, although she is a better blogger than I. We have play dates occasionally, and she has a sweet little girl now. I consider her one of my very best friends.

She has an amazing blog, she posts recipes, crafts, and lots of funny stories about having a four year old boy and one year old wild little girl. Check her out and show her some love. I love you Mommy Madness, thanks for helping a girl out .

Passion.

I talked with a really good friend yesterday about how much mothers sacrifice to be mothers. We rearrange our lives, our priorities, and our bodies.We make a choice to put some one else in front of ourselves, we make ourselves second. My friend stumped me when she asked,  "What were you passionate about before Trevor?" hmmp. I had nothing, I couldn't remember. I still can't remember. I know that there was a time when I loved writing, and a time where I sewed like crazy. There are a million other little short lived passions. All little things that I fell in love with, and gave up before I got pregnant.

All weekend, I racked my brain. Telling myself, you have to have something that defines you. Something that you love, that is just for you. What is it that you love???

Then, last night, I had an epiphany.

I will tell you what I love. I love being a mom. There is nothing that defines me more. There is nothing that I am more passionate about. I think that's why I never had a real passion before him, I was destined to be his mom, and to give him all that I got. I have things that I like. I like to cook, I like to take beautiful pictures. Every now and again, I will stop by Michael's and grab a canvas and some paint, and then I will paint something beautiful. Give it away, and forget about it for months, until I get the urge to go again.
So there we have it.
This is what I am passionate about. This is my life, and this is what I love.

A day in the life

I got this idea from a local magazine called The Dallas Child.

My Tuesday(s).

5:45 am Hit the snooze.
5:50 am Hit the snooze again, think about running late, and hop out of bed before I drift back to sleep. Grab my work clothes, and throw them into the dryer (I have a thing about warm clothes in the morning.)
6:00 am Attempt to do something with my weird length in between hair. Give up, and just put a head band on. Brush my teeth, and get dressed.
6:20 am Pick out Trevor's school clothes, dress him while he is asleep, and then climb into his race car toddler bed and cuddle with him.
6:45 am Hear my alarm that has been going off for 10 minutes, and rush out of his bed, while quietly cussing that I should have never should have laid back down. Find my keys, and leave.
6:50 am Continue to cuss myself on my way to work.
7:00 am Pull into my workplace parking lot to see that I have 2 allergy shot patients waiting on me.
7:10 am Give the patients their shots, and then clock in.
7:45 am Eat some breakfast, start some coffee, check my emails, face book, and doctor messages.
8:00 am Check my nurse voice mails, say hello to the rest of the office that comes in at 8. Look over my schedule for potential procedures, and get consents and tools together. Stock my rooms.
8:30 am Clinic starts, get my CT machine up and running, the doctor lap top out, and start waiting for my late patients.
9:00 am Text my husband something cute, and wish him a good day.
10:00 am Hold down a 5 year old so we can remove some beads that she shoved in her nose. Reassure a patient that his four year old daughter is not addicted to her pain medication, she is asking for it because she had her tonsils removed five days ago, she is in pain, she needs it.
11:00 am Continue to bring patients back into rooms, get information, relay to doctor, complete charts, hold children down, and have patients sign for procedures.
12:00 pm Thank the Lord that clinic finished in time for a full lunch break. Then curse myself for laying back down with Trevor instead of packing a lunch. Grab some lunch with some coworker, listen, and sometimes join in with the office gossip.
12:30 pm Check emails, bank account, face book. Pay bills, and call my husband for a mid day pick me up.
1:00 pm Time for clinic once again, give allergy shots, hold kids down, assist in procedures, hunt down patient records, work on my surgery schedule for the rest of the afternoon.
4:00 pm Leave work. Debate on whether I should go home, and catch up on my True Blood, or go get Trevor first.
4:30 pm Get to Trevor's school, and watch him play with his friends before he sees me, and then kick myself because I haven't thought about what I am going to make for dinner once today. Drag Trevor out of school, and explain to him, once again, that I don't always have a lollipop from my work for him.
4:45 pm Call my husband and try to figure out what we should do for dinner. Lay around on the couch until my husband comes home.
5:30 pm Take orders, and go to Wendy's. All the while telling myself that I will make a dinner plan.
6:00 pm Eat dinner, watch my DVR with my husband, give Trevor a bath, brush his teeth. Help him clean up his toys/books, and then we all climb onto my way too small couch and start watching a movie. I usually get on the computer, and catch up on the days laundry, but never the days dishes.
9:00 pm Phillip and I read Trevor a book, and lay him down for bed.
9:15 pm Hop in the shower, wash my hair, shave, and use this magical stuff.
9:30 pm Hop in the bed with my man, catch up with him, and fall asleep with my hair still in a towel.

What about you? How hectic is your schedule?

The Joys of Motherhood.

So, today, Trevor is sick. I have no option of leaving work. & today, is one of those awkward days where I have no babysitter. So he is here with me at work, currently sleeping under my desk. He has been here since about 9am. It is now 3pm. He has been so good, along with my doctor and coworkers. I thought working was hard, try working, & tending to a 4 year old sick child at the same time. wheeewww.

Perfection.

What an absolute upside down week it has been. First with Phillip in the hospital, Trevor had a miserable stomach bug, & my sister got dumped (pretty dramatic for a 12 year old). After a pathetic day at work, all the stress, the anxiety, the hopelessness, I let it all go. We had made to order sandwiches for dinner, I worked on Trevor's alphabet with him. & then, we just spent time together, all four of us, as a happy family. It was magnificent. We went on a walk.

& this was the sky, with an itsy bitsy moon, but still absolutely beautiful.

Oh, how I love my sister, our talks, the way she reminds me of myself at her age. She is so smart, so fun, & so, free. I know one day I will look back on these times & smile that I got to be the one to help her through this difficult time in her life.

(phillip picked me a flower, love that man.)

My favorite picture, my little tad pole, ready to cruise.

Trevor is super obsessed with his birthday present, &his new sunglasses, & it was dusk.

His new saying is  "this is totally awesome".

What a beautiful child we have made.

& lastly, some me time.

love this picture.